Pegasus Reporters Issues on the Wing
What is your advice for this young mother of three?
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PEGASUS REPORTERS, LAGOS | MAY 7, 2022
I got pregnant nine years ago while dating my current husband and then the issue of marriage came up. I wasn’t working then. He told my family and me that he doesn’t want a court marriage for no reason.
My parents tried talking to him, I cried and begged him severally to legalize his marriage with me but he stood his ground not to wed me in court.
I involved his family members to help me beg him but they said, he’s old enough to make his decisions.
He even refused to do a white wedding either because my church requested a court certificate, so we ended up doing only traditional marriage.
I later got tired and gave up on the matter. I was hurt and broken but I resolved to marry him like that just to save myself and my family the shame of having a baby outside wedlock.
My dad was angry and disappointed in him but he didn’t care and because of that, my dad vowed to see me as a successful and independent woman with or without him.
After I gave birth to my baby, my dad helped me secure a job with a multinational company and things started to turn around for me. I could now take care of myself and secure a future.
Though I married my husband, I never forgave him from my heart and it made me not do anything in my husband’s name.
We currently have three kids together but all my properties are in the name of my children. I never used him as my next of kin either.
Just last month my company decided to transfer me to a branch in Texas and the company is willing to pay for my entire family to relocate with me.
My husband’s business is not doing too well and he’s willing to relocate also but we have no legal certificate to show that we are married.
Now he wants us to go to the court to legalize our marriage and I have said “No”
My dad has threatened to disown me if I ever go with him to court.
He’s been tagging me everywhere as a bad wife who is not loyal to her husband, spoiling my family also.
His family members have been calling me trying to persuade me but I told them I’m old enough to make my decisions also and I have stood my ground just like he did to me nine years ago.”
What is your advice for this young mother of three?
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She should simply forgive him and move on with her life. People should beg her father for her.
Though it hurts and God has fought your battle for her,I would say if he his a good man all along aside from his Ego which he has used to rob himself of his blessings and not wanting to get married,you can get married to him,only if he his a good husband and a good father to your kids?
2ndly you will need help when you relocate,especially for school runs cos you’re going to be able to skip child care expenses which is very pricey.
3rdly based on the state you are going too,make sure you read the law as it pertains to marriage incase of divorce,so that you don’t end up loosing your money and property to a man who is not worth it.
Your dad has invested in you,even if you marry him don’t adopt his last name,stick to your Dad,he his best.
A traditional wedding is a valid marriage in Nigeria; PROVIDED the husband paid the dowry and her husband was given in marriage. However, it is under the Marriage Act.
This lady should stand her ground. Staying in that toxic relationship and marriage were choices of compromise. I hope this marriage arrangement will survive.
Let this be a lesson to others on compromise.