“A reduced sex drive is not an inevitable part of ageing, but it’s something many men and women experience as they get older. After identifying what’s causing the loss of sex drive, your doctor can suggest treatment and a sex coach can help you deal with emotional and physical aspects of your sexuality”
PEGASUS REPORTERS, LAGOS | SEPTEMBER 25, 2021
Sexual drive is the biological component of desire, which is reflected as spontaneous sexual interest including sexual thoughts, erotic fantasies, and daydreams. Sex is a topic that many people want to talk about but few want to acknowledge if it becomes a problem. Everyone’s sex drive is different and there’s no such thing as a “normal” libido. But if you find your lack of desire for sex is distressing or it’s affecting your relationship, it’s a good idea to seek help.
Loss of libido (sex drive) is a common problem that affects many men and women at some point in their life. It’s often linked to relationship issues, stress or tiredness, but can be a sign of an underlying medical problem, such as reduced hormone levels.
66 percent of women report that low sex drive puts a negative impact on their relationships while 85 percent of women said low sexual desire hurts intimacy levels with a partner.
Low sex drive impacts both people in a relationship, you may feel anxious because you want to increase your sex drive. While you care for your partner, you may find yourself unable to fulfil the sexual part of the relationship.
Factors relating to low sex drive include:
Unhappiness in a relationship is one of the major contributing factors to low sex. Do you have any doubts or worries that could be behind your loss of sexual desire?
* Being in a long-term relationship and becoming overfamiliar with your partner.
* Loss of sexual attraction.
* Unresolved conflict and frequent arguments,
* Poor communication.
* Difficulty trusting each other.
* Ejaculation problems.
* Erectile dysfunction.
* Vaginal dryness.
* Painful sex.
* Inability to orgasm.
* Involuntary tightening of the vagina.
* Muscle (vaginismus).
* Stress, anxiety and exhaustion.
* Lower levels of sex hormones (oestrogen and testosterone) just before, during and after menopause in women.
* Lower levels of sex hormone (testosterone) in men levels.
* Related health problems, including mobility problems,
* Side effects of medicine
* Pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding.
* Changes to your body and issues with your body image
* Painful sex caused by an injury, such as a cut or tear, during childbirth
* Changed priorities, such as focusing on looking after your baby.
Diseases associated with low libido
* Heart diseases
* Underactive thyroid where the thyroid gland does not produce enough hormones
* Cancer: Major or minor surgery – for example, surgery to remove the ovaries and womb in women.
* Alcohol and drinks: Men and women are advised not to drink more than 14 alcohol units a week on a regular basis.
* Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), is the most common in women of all ages.
A recent study showed that nearly one-third of women aged 18 to 59 suffer from a lost interest in sex, and it’s not all in their heads. Unlike men’s main sexual complaint, erectile dysfunction, women’s biggest sexual problem is caused by a combination of both mental and physical factors, which aren’t likely to be cured by merely popping a pill, due to this multifaceted nature. It’s imperative (at this juncture) to seek consultation/coaching.
It’s natural for men to notice a gradual decrease in sex drive (libido) as they age. The degree of this decline varies. But most men maintain at least some amount of sexual interest into their 60s and 70s. Sometimes the culprit is a decrease in male sex hormones due to an endocrine disorder. In other cases, loss of sex drive may be a medication side effect or some of the above.
A reduced sex drive is not an inevitable part of ageing, but it’s something many men and women experience as they get older. After identifying what’s causing the loss of sex drive, your doctor can suggest treatment and a sex coach can help you deal with emotional and physical aspects of your sexuality.
If loss of sex drive is related to stress or depression, seeing a counsellor, sometimes in combination with taking antidepressant medication, might help.
Some medical conditions, such as obstructive sleep apnea, can cause an unusually low testosterone level, treating the sleep apnea will reverse the low testosterone level and improve sex drive.
If a reversible cause for low testosterone isn’t found, testosterone replacement therapy might return your testosterone level and sex drive to normal. If a certain medication is contributing to a loss of sex drive, your doctor might suggest that you take a different drug.
While dry spells like these are common and usually resolve on their own once things stabilize, a prolonged and unexplained disinterest in sex can be harmful to a relationship and the general well-being of both partners. Not only can this stir feelings of frustration and self-doubt but it may also leave you wondering whether this may be your first step toward a sexless marriage while divorce comes knocking.
It is not an entirely unfounded concern; research suggests that the amount of sex people are having is on the decline and it explains the high rise of divorce in society today. If you feel you’re constantly tired, stressed or anxious, you may need to make some lifestyle changes or speak to a PCP and sex consultant for advice. Unless both partners are willing to engage in honest and open communication, any discussion about the lack of sex may trigger feelings of guilt, anger, blame, or embarrassment, setting back rather than advancing a solution.
Sex is a topic that many people want to talk about — but few want to acknowledge if it becomes a problem. Steps to tackle low sex drive:
* If your partner doesn’t know what is causing the problem but acknowledges its existence, suggest a physical exam with the family doctor.
* If your partner shuts down or is reluctant to discuss the issue, you need to take charge and not take things personally.
* If your partner is able to pinpoint a problem (such as stress at work or feeling tired all the time), work together to find a solution. Focus on incremental change, and seek a sex consultant.
* If you are mad at your spouse, you could be horny but you’re not going to or want to be sexual with that particular person until the situation is resolved.
Therapy can be great for teaching stress management skills and may help identify undercurrents of depression or anxiety. A talk based sex consultation/coach can work you through the best possible process while you seek medical help.
Moreover, take the time to reiterate the importance of intimacy and physical closeness as you endeavour to find a lasting solution to your sexual problems.
Remember that solving any relationship problem whether it be sexual, financial, or emotional is a process and not an event.
Sexual drive: It’s about your body signalling that it wants to be sexual. Whether or not there is any intention to act on it, we all have a certain level of drive.” that must be satisfied. Take your time, be patient, and, if needed, seek counselling to ensure yourself esteem and confidence remain intact.
A Sex therapy/Coach is very effective for individuals and couples, and that is always at the top of my list. Sexual dysfunction usually affects both parties in a relationship and should be discussed together or individually with a SEX COACH or GP/PCP
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Our Saturdays Guest Columnist, Taiwo Badmus Isong (Tai Isong) is a US-based mother, wife, and Certified Relationship and Sex Consultant. She holds a Bachelors’s Degree in Biochemistry, a Nursing degree, and she’s a Certified Life Coach who has served as a wound specialist. You can contact and follow her on the Facebook group Our Path and Mind. Taiwo’s column will be on this page every Saturday.
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